But he himself went a day’s journey into the wilderness and came and sat down under a broom tree. And he asked that he might die, saying, "It is enough; now, O LORD, take away my life, for I am no better than my fathers." (1 Melachim / 1 Kings 19:4; ESV)
I have the impression that many people equate true spirituality with serenity. To know God therefore would include not only a deep sense of contentment, but also intellectual peace and emotional stability. This kind of spirituality values statements such as "Nothing bothers me anymore." People who say this are either dishonest or spiritually dead - at least according to the Bible's understanding of spirituality.
This week's Haftarah includes a most difficult period in the life of the great prophet Eliyahu (Elijah). Coming off of a dramatic encounter with the forces of evil in the society of his day, he was exhausted and depressed to the point of wanting to die. Thankfully God meets him in that place, provides refreshment, rest, and gets him going again.
There are two ways that we can look at Eliyahu's depression. Some may say that he was losing touch with the reality he had known earlier. Call it a lapse of faith perhaps. The greater his faith, the nearer he was to God and the more genuine his spirituality.
If this is true, then the story doesn't make sense. God actually was never as intimate with Eliyahu as in his darkest time. Yes, prior to this he proclaimed God's Word, pronouncing both the beginning and the end of an extended drought and calling down fire from heaven. God's power was very present in those times, but it was in his depression that God's intimacy was most evident.
The other way to look at Eliyahu's depression, (and no surprise that this is what I think is the correct way) is to see that it is a normal experience for those who truly know God.
The book of Job deals with the issue of why the righteous suffer. Serenity was not part of Job's experience during his intense suffering. Some people like to sing Job's words, "The LORD gave, and the LORD has taken away; blessed be the name of the LORD" (Job 1:21; ESV). While this is an exemplary response to the loss he experienced, to think of this in terms of "Nothing bothers me anymore," is to mock Job's suffering. Job struggled greatly and rightly so. He didn't deserve it. It was confusing - more than that - it was unjust and he told God so. It wasn't until God himself responded to Job's complaining that Job found a place of resolve. Are we going to say that if Job had been truly spiritual he would have silently accepted his suffering? I don't think Eliyahu thought so.
And neither would the Messiah. Prior to his arrest, as Yeshua went to pray, he said to his disciples, "My soul is very sorrowful, even to death" (Mark 14:34; ESV). Serenity? I think not.
In the same letter that Paul writes, "Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, Rejoice” (Philippians 4:4; ESV), he also speaks of how the preservation of the life of one of his friends prevented him from having "sorrow upon sorrow" (Philippians 2:27). Elsewhere he writes of being "perplexed" (2 Corinthians 4:8). Perplexed is not serene. Being perplexed is a sign of honest grappling with the realities of life.
Intense inner struggles are normal for people who truly know God. Knowing God in the midst of a world in rebellion against him will break your heart. This is not to say that following God doesn't include joy, gladness, and peace. Of course it does, but at the same time, we find ourselves being challenged by his reality in a world that by and large denies him. Sometimes this tension overwhelms us as it did for Eliyahu. But it is at these times that we need God the most. It is in these times that God often draws most closely to us. Thinking that depression is necessarily a sign of a lack in our relationship with God may prevent us from the kind of intimacy he longs for us to have with him in our darkest times.
5 comments:
Yours is a very real understanding. Many have envied me my deep rooted faith and intimacy with G-d and I can honestly say it comes from the times when G-d was in those dark places along with me, His presence so very real. I have walked a long path over thirty years with Him and can say that the trial times are best and He is closest when all others fade away.
Su
Dear Alan,
I can't thank you enough for this week's TorahBytes. I will copy it and put it in my binder for easy reference. It just so happened that I just escaped a relationship with a religous group that insisted we were all destined to walk this earth three feet off of the ground. What misery and inner turmoil it caused for me!
THANK YOU again for your Godly insights.
I struggle all the time and suffer from depression. I want to be a good man, but I am surrounded by anti-Christs, who make life as difficult as possible for me. I have tried to get close to G-d, but I am a sinner. I have an addiction and it prevents me from having the close relationship I desire. I try to fight it...it is not easy. sometimes I want to give up. where is G-d when I need to hear His voice. I have waited along time to hear Him.
This has to be the best analysis that I have ever heard on this subject! Alan has pinpointed the aspect of true believers - the firstfruits, and the burdens they sometimes have to bear. Clearly, Moses, David, Jonah, and Jeremiah all experienced the same.
Above Anonymous said, he was “surrounded by anti-Christs”, so was Elijah, who as Alan’s post also related, that when Elijah was in a depresive mood and thought he was the only one who knew the truth, God said He had 7000 souls who did not worship Baal.
We go through moods and also have to listen to that “still small voice”, indeed we feel sometimes that we would rather die and be closer to God. But, we must continue to pray as Jesus did, when He could have chosen an easier death – “Your will be done – not Mine” in that sense, and realise that through His Father and God, we must “Take My yoke upon you, and learn from Me, for I am humble and lowly in heart; and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy, and My burden is light" (Matthew 11:29-30).
Pause awhile, but keep on, and meditate and pray, as it is a continuing process, as God is not up in Heaven that we may fetch Him down, but through His Spirit is near to anyone who will call upon His Name (Romans 10: 6-8).
...I am actually going through one of the darkest times of my life right now, and just read this after being behind on my email for weeks...I believe that G-d has His ways of speaking to us in our dark and lonely hours, and for me at this moment I know that this article and blog are His encouragement to me and I am grateful, despite my continuing pain.
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